Realizations.

I'm realizing that this first semester of freshman year was actually dang good.

That in the two years since Aaron left, I have grown a lot.

That gift giving would be one of the coolest talents. & my two roomies sure have a knack for it.

That love is truely happiness. But it will come when the timing is right, and it's not something that is forced.

That my life is all truly a part of a plan.

That people obsess over other people far too often. & It's about time we learn to love our own lives just a little more.

That life is imperfect and life goes on.

Goodbye's are the literal worst.. but for once, change is actually exciting this time.

There's a lot more to people than you can realize in just a few months of knowing them.
& sometimes, the timing just isnt' quite right too.

People are put in your life for a reason. & college works wonders on a person.

Life without a roomie is real lonely.

& I hope they call me a mission. Soon too.

& that my dreams, can actually become realities.

& sometimes the prettiest lives aren't the ones on display.

I've got a lot of room to grow.


College bumped my life into perspective and it tried me and I really really liked that.
I love being a BYU cougar. & I am just super grateful for this life I'm living. :)                          

completely average & completely happy.

"and what? You're still just living your boring little life? Just working and going to school?"

I guess you're right. That's my life.
It isn't always sunshine and rainbows, better yet fireworks and excitement.
College is completely different than I thought it would be, & the complete change of social settings took a bit of adjusting to. But that doesn't mean it's not a happy, good life.

Life isn't a thrilling stunt or straight out of a movie every single day. To be honest, probably pretty rarely does it resemble either of those.

There is excitement in the little pieces. In getting asked on a cute date, or the prospective idea of moving to the east coast for a summer, or serving a mission... or even the things like the joy that comes when you ace a test, or have an amazing lesson in sunday school, or get ice cream with a couple friends.

& I'm not ashamed one bit that this is the life I am living. I love it. I am happy.

Do more of what you love.

I simply can not find time to blog & workout.
& those happen to be two of the most rewarding things in my life.
Maybe rather than continuing to try and sub them in for other things, or squeeze them in somewhere,
I'll just toss them back in, and let the rest of life find a way to fit in around them.

Alright.

Hopeful towards October.

[A glimpse into this life on the first of October twenty-fourteen.]

//You may not actually see this post for a little bit, because suddenly study groups and work projects everywhere are attached to my google account, which means excessive publicity of this little blog to people I'm not sure I'd like to know everything and more about me.. (once the study groups have calmed down perhaps...)

//I'm actually excited for Autumn this year. I've never particularly loved Fall, 100% a summertime sort of girl. But something about everyone walking around campus all bundled up, and the hopeful dream of cuddling up with someone on a chilly night just sound too beautiful to not be swooning over. & pumpkin steamers are just so dang good too. 

//Guys who dress well are another perk of this weather cooling off. & that one I sit by in class.. [insert heart eyes emoji..] You are far far too kind, and cute, and dates and snuggs maybe? (#hahiwish)

//I've constructed four perfect Pandora stations and I consider that to be one of my greatest life accomplishments. 

//There's lots of little blessings in life. Yesterday's was following a prompting to leave campus to walk home in the dark a little earlier than I'd planned on, and after I got back it poured rain the rest of the night. The tender mercies, right?

//I chopped my hair all off again a couple of weeks ago. Because I like short hair. 

//Like earlier stated, Fall was never my favorite time of year, but it does have a history of being exceptionally good... and that's why I'm secretly hoping this one will bring happy surprises and I'm not jinxing it by hoping that?

//I just survived my first ever test in the testing center. Hmm, maybe a college survival post will come up one day soon-- considering that actually is the only thing I know how to do right now.  

Grateful, but Wishing.

1) I wish there was more time in the day. Time to play the piano, to go for runs, to get adequate sleep, to write pretty blog posts-- and take pretty pictures to go with them, to snuggle up in bed and read novels, and to paint my toenails.

2) I wish bloglovin' wasn't blocked on campus wifi. What a joke, right? Blog reading has always been my favorite guilty pleasure and blogger just isn't quite the same.

3) I wish it was my turn again, to have some charming, sweet, handsome boy step into my life and sweep me off my feet. [remember in like 5th grade when you'd get nervous talking to your crush and giggle lots? Yeah, that happened again today-- heaven help me. #awkwardawkwardawkward]

but it's alright, because even if I just do work and school all day long, 

there's a lot to be grateful for. 

1) I have cute new best-friends. They make me so happy, and I'm not sure how I got so blessed. 

2) I absolutely love my classes. I love the readings. I honestly feel myself getting smarter and thrive off of it all. This college is truly a special place too.

3) I'm seeing all the incredible paths my life could take, and that's so exciting.

4) College isn't letting me down.. in fact it's even better than I could've imagined. & that's honestly a dream come true. 

The current daily.

Phone calls //with the fam, the Mom especially. & of course with Jess, the best friend.

Runs //They've become a delicacy, in the day, in the week. & running forms friendships. 

Classical Music //If I'm in my room, I am studying. and that means Pandora is set to Piano Solo's. 

Dorm Friendships //Our door is literally always open, we may have the party room & that makes for some real nice new friendships. (and not nearly enough studying done..)

Studying //Work, school, eat, study, sleep. That is this college life. Endless hours of reading and essays and tests. 

Study dates //the little perks of college. [& who knows, maybe I'll get super lucky and one day they won't just be study dates..] 

Sleep //maybe one of the lesser items. But I've learned if I get in a good in and our 10 minute doze at the beginning of my long classes, I can stay awake for the rest of the class. Impressive right? ;)
Lunchtimes //I am now a subway regular. & that hour is one my favorite of the day. People watching, solid chats, occasional new friends, and lots of reading, all from my little spot on the edge of the room. 

Snacks //Study snacks essentially. (You catching the trend?) Two people have gone through almost an entire bag of animal crackers in two days. The amount of fruit snacks, pretzels, and tortilla chips is close behind. 

& a whole heck of a lot of goood good times. 

Reasons college is goood.

Refer here. A perfect kiss & goood. 

//Majority of your homework is reading. Not ridiculous worksheets and assignments. You can cuddle up in bed, with just a highlighter and let information just saturate your mind. 

//Running buddies. I think I may have one for every day of the week. & guys will run with you at night so that's definitely reassuring. (especially probably for my Mom)

//I don't have to be at work until nine every day. Which means I can stay up later, still get sufficient sleep, and I swear the day is longer. 

//Absolutely amazing people watching. Perks of eating in the cafeteria or up on campus.

//I'm too busy to waste time on social media. Life seems so fulfilling.

//Chill good times. Like Apples to Apples with your FHE group, or campfires up the canyon. 

//It makes you love your family more. Everyone says it, but it's the truth. I love calling my Mom almost every day. 

...and that's just a few of the things. [Besides getting sick last week] I am seriously loving this college life.

"Goood" was how I described our first kiss.

In reality, I didn't intend on writing this, but the explanation seemed necessary on "goood," for the following post. & it's kind of a cute little story, so why not? 

It was on June 14th, my birthday. 

We laid and looked at the stars, under the perfectly warm yet crisp summer air. 

The night ended and I was perfectly content, but I guess a hug goodnight wasn't making the cuts. 

That night I wrote in my journal, 

"Off the bus? More like dove through a window. I still can NOT believe that just happened. But I guess he surprises me and I surprise myself... Tonight was 100% predictable yet completely surprised & it was... goood. :) three o's & one smiley face." 

& ever since then "goood" has just stuck. 

for the things that aren't just good, or even great, or awesome. Goood is just different. Ya feel?

& that's the preface for this next post... 

Plot twist: Change is HARD.

Have you ever imagined what it would be like to see your mind mapped out? Alright probably not, but think about it--multi-dimensional, with intricate little details-- or maybe it could be gigantic like a maze you could explore your subconscious, relive memories, and see everything laid out, the connections and all the knowledge you've ever obtained... [I'd like to hope it's something we'll see in the next life.]

Although, I think every now and then you can catch the tiniest glimpse of it, you see a piece of yourself, your thoughts and subconscious, simply spelled out.

The one I saw most recently was a simple statement: 

"You're not nearly as comfortable with change as you pretend to be." 

All it took was a week of college to show me this. Although, I don't think it's a natural human tendency to love and embrace change when it comes your way. It's unfamiliar and uncomfortable..

The first day of cross country practice when I didn't know anyone on the team; Freshman Orientation in its entirety; saying goodbye to close friends; the loss of a loved one; new places, new people, new school, it's all uncomfortable at first. It opens chapters of your life that are completely unwritten, and there's no telling what they might hold. 

It was an interesting realization, why had I always though I adapted well to change, when in reality big changes had always become the lowest points of my life? Looking back though I realize that it's because there was always something else that prevailed: faith. 

"And I was led by the Spirit, not knowing beforehand the things which I should do." ~1 Nephi 4:6 

Definition of first day of college right there. Or the second or the third day for that matter.. or all those other experiences in my life; like Nephi, I don't always know what I should do, or how things will work out, but I do know that through these times, the spirit will be my comforter and my guide, and that provides all the comfort I need. 

I'm grateful that for as many unknowns as there may be in my life, there's also the knowledge that I have a Heavenly Father who does know; He knows all the answers and outcomes. He has an absolutely perfect and complete plan for me; One that will ultimately make me the happiest if I will keep the commandments and follow the promptings of the Holy Ghost. 

I can only imagine how crazy all this would sound if I didn't know that it was completely true. But I do, I believe in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, I am so grateful for my testimony. It's the reason I've found so much happiness and true joy in my life, and I know that's the truth. 

SS: A walk down memory lane.

Maybe it was a foreshadowing when I absolutely fell in love with High School Musical in what, the seventh grade?

Pre-clarification: I LOVE college. I really really do. I love that my homework is reading books that I find absolutely fascinating. I love meeting all these new people, and it is endless fun times. 

But there was just something about high school that captured my heart. & by Senior year I had a new dream. Someday I wanted to be the High School student council advisor and Cross Country coach. & that would be my dream come true. (Along with traveling the world that is..) 

Because turns out that obsession with HSM grew into more than a love for the movie, I loved high school and it did hold a special place in my heart. The people, the experiences, the absolutely awful times and the most amazing ones. 

Doing gymnastics through my sophomore year, my absolutely amazing team, and running home in tears the day I quit. Mid-way through sophomore year when my heart got broken, I thought I didn't have friends and I hit an all-time low. Making student council for the first time, the friendships I began to form. My amazing girl friends and the friendship we had. 

Training with the XC team and my older brother the summer before Junior year, a cute little summer fling, student council, more amazing friendships, crying my way through calculus and chemistry, becoming best friends with the most amazing faculty any school has ever had, and also the greatest group of boys. Planning prom, falling in love, becoming President, my amazing student council, the XC and track team, and that summer holding some of the happiest memories of my life. Between nights at the water tower and staying late after early morning runs with the cute Juniors on the team. 

& then Senior year and everything that came through it, the rock bottoms, the growth of being President and strengthening new friendships. The legendary PG dances and more PG pride than anything at every one of those state football and basketball games. 

I'm Brittney McArthur and I loved high school. 

But I'm Brittney McArthur, and college is already proving equally as amazing opportunities. 

This life is amazing. There's no doubt that God wants us to be happy. & that's one thing I know more than anything else. He wants us to be happy. & that's just one beautiful aspect of this true amazing gospel on the earth today. 

You win some you lose some.

WINS:

You have the happiest dreams about falling in love with the greatest boy. & sometimes glimpses of those dreams almost coming true.
Your job is the greatest in the entire world and you love going every day.
You run into that super cute kid form EFY two years ago and he asks for your number.
You run into so so many counselors from the summer & it's happy reunions all around.
You got brave and sat next to some new super cuties in class. One new insta acquaintance and one new study group buddy.
You make so so many new friends. That aren't even the fake kind.
You went to In N' Out at 12:30am because.. well just because you were starving.

LOSSES:

You wake up with a tight throat, sniffly nose, and awful headache. #alreadysickatcollege

The one day there is a rainstorm.. (or a monsoon) you don't wear your rain boots. 

You can't for the life of you stay awake during class. 

Your phone dies, you forget your room key and get locked out, and have to walk all the way back up to the cafeteria for someone to let you in. 

You still have lots of homework, so a nap will hopefully hold you over without stealing too much study time. 

& that's how this college life is currently going. 

I have real friends, a running buddy, & weekends are nothing short of eventful-- there's always something new. 

& hey, life is goood. 

Caught in college..

I keep telling myself that it's still just that weird adjustment phase. & that things will get better.
By no means are they bad. My classes are all things I'm super interested in. I have one new best friend, my roommate is awesome, I absolutely love my job, and I found a running buddy.

But it all still feels strange, & I feel out of place. Where is my little posse of the funniest boys in the world, a lunch bunch, where are my girls, and my go to group every single weekend? Why are my best friends from high school making endless plans and not inviting me? The people that really know me.. do they even still exist? It's weird not knowing everyone in every class, or at lunch.. I just don't like change this time. Mealtimes with Maddie and phonecalls with Jess & Jenn are the only things keeping me sane.

It's almost like I'm watching the potential of how incredibly fun college can be. I see everyone else with their new best friends, with their little crushes, best friends with everyone in their hall, going on dates, too busy to go to bed before 3am, thriving off this college life. I see it all happening.. I just can't quite claim that life as my own. I tried reaching out for it.. tried to make it happen.. then decided maybe I need to just let it come. & that hasn't changed much either..

I'm stuck in limbo. & I wish things would click into place already.

I'm anti-small-talk.

It's this little thing that accompanies new situations, new places, and thousands of new people. & to be quite honest, I don't like it, and this weekend has consisted of far too much of it. 

Preliminary questions are essential in getting to know people, their name and maybe where they're from, but I can't do the polite awkward chit-chat that tends to follow. About majors and the weather..

It's like everyone is trying so hard for friendships. 

///The roommate I had over the summer and how we'd both share with each other the funny things that we read as we scrolled through Facebook, insta, or twitter at the end of the night. It was a window into each other's lives, leading to conversations about people and families and relationships, and that's what bonded us.

///The counselor who I sat next to one day at check in. Commentary is natural when you're observing hundreds of teenagers as you hand them a water bottle. & when you're running on little sleep, doing something as boring as handing out waterbottles, it's ineviteable for inside jokes to form, and end up laughing the entire time. & that's where our friendship began.

///& the girl we randomly ran into at the bookstore. I knew her brother, and she needed fellow freshman to hang out with for the night. Between an awkward orientation show, the pep rally, and spontaneously hiking a mountain, she appeared to be more similar to me than anyone I've ever met & I've never hit a friendship off with anyone that quickly.

Real friendships just happen.. they rarely come from the awkward introductions at freshman dorm socials, or forced get to know you's... & I suppose that's why for the most part I haven't bothered, sure I'll introduce myself when I'm in a group.. but the second you have to mention the weather or ask about my major, it's apparent there is no connection. 

& that's the first thing college taught me.

Pre-college What-if's.

I've gotten caught up on the what if's and I probably haven't been myself lately because of it. 

What if my roommate drives me absolutely crazy? 

What if everyone hates me? What if no one even notices I'm there? 

What if I'm the only one without friends? 

What if I hate college. & miss high school tons? There's no going back.. 

What if college doesn't live up to the hype it's recieved my entire life???

What if I do get married quick like everyone says I'm going to?

What if I don't stay close with Madds, Nicole, Rache, and Jess? 

What if I never see my missionary friends again? 

Guys, scary stuff. 

Okay fine, half irrational, but really, half completely rational too. 

Faith, right? Everything that happens will happen for a reason, & put my trust in God because He has a plan for me. *deep breaths* it'll all be okay. 

& Hannah Montana knew what she was talking about then when she said, "Life's what you make it, so let's make it rock." You're right Hannah. Life is what I make it. & attitude can be everything. So I guess holla for college! Ready or not, here I come.

A World Transformed

I believe in running.

I believe in waking up early to start your day off right.
In pushing yourself to achieve more, setting goals, and working at them.
I believe in running on days when your whole body aches & days when you've got a whole lot to do.
Rain, hail, snow, sun, the beach, the trails, the city, the country. Running has no boundaries.
I believe it makes you happier, more productive, more confident-- an all around better person.
I believe in the bonds and friendships running can form.

I believe in running, but you don't have to just take my word for it.
Because an organization a whole lot bigger than just me believes in running too.
The video is good, but the website is amazing. It's inspiring.  CHECK IT OUT!!!

& if you ever get addicted to running. Let me know.
It feels good, I promise.

SS: I believe in Prayer.

This video was too good not to share. It quickly had me in tears as I realized all the times I've relied on prayer and how much it has helped and blessed me throughout my life. 

I know we have a Heavenly Father who knows each of us individually. 

I know we have a Savior who loves us, and died for us.

& I know that my Heavenly Father hears every single one of my prayers, no matter how insignificant the matter may seem, that he cares, he loves me, and he hears me. 

so next time, you need literally anything.. just give it a try, & pray. 

A final Summer's day.

I still can't accept that school starts, (atleast for them) on Monday. What? Summer ever even happened? 

This summer was nothing like the past 17, maybe because graduating, or work, or just growing up. 

Growing up seems to keep taking people out of my life, but I'm grateful that it won't be taking them. 

[the group concensus was to pose. good poses everyone.]

 [what summer should be]

[siblings & snowcones]

 [I spy a lens cap.. oops]

& with that, I guess we bid summer farewell. 

I like people, & somehow I'd forgotten that.

Sometimes I think without even realizing it, we get too busy for people.

Too busy to truly enjoy their presence, or just a good conversation. 

I've been far too content with the lack of social life I've had going on lately, and I think it's made me appreciate the encounters I have had with people all the more. 

I like previously mentioned boy. I like that we're both runners, and we talk about running together. I liked long-boarding together and his dumb jokes. & I like that I've realized we can be just friends.

I like Kami, from over here. I like people who are real, and kind, and make you feel good about just being you. & she's even lovelier in real life which I didn't even think was possible. I wish she weren't moving so we could just become best friends. 

I like my co-workers.. in fact, I absolutely love my job because of them. I like that we can all just be ourselves, even considering how completely different we are from one another. 

I like Madd & Jess. There's something about spending time with best friends who know you completely that is completely fulfilling and I think necessary in life. 

I like running into people at Walmart, the lady my mom is friends with, someone who used to be in my ward.. it's those moments when you see them and debate if you should ignore or go over and acknowledge them, and I've learned I'm always happier when I choose the second. 

& as hard as goodbye's are, I can't wait for all the new people that this chapter of my life will bring. 

Summer Fantasies.

I've grown to love the aloneness of my porch late at night; swooning over the super moon, or nights like tonight, wrapping myself up in a blanket, experiencing the beauty and power of the summer thunderstorm that's raging on around me. It's safe to say it's one of my new favorite places. 

But I do dream of someday sharing those nights with him. Talking & laughing, reminiscing & dreaming together under beautiful summer moons; or letting you wrap me up in your arms as the rain pours down around us. 

& obviously I can't help wonder who 'him' will be. 

At least for right now, I wish I could choose him to be you. Because I've never met someone who smiles with their eyes the way you do. & I don't think there's anything I could have done to keep myself from falling. Your sun-kissed skin & golden hair, your laugh, your sweetness, & goodness, I just want to call you mine.  It's incredibly unreasonable.. but hey, summer fantasies, right?

What do you believe in?

I believe in holidays. They're just a little thing to celebrate. & it's fun to get dressed up.

I believe in splurging. But only on some things.. lipstick. running shoes. & backpacks to name a few. 

I believe in exercising. Because a healthier you is a happier you.

I believe in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. 

I believe in people. Every single person is capable of great things, you just got to accept them for who they are and give them a chance. 

I believe in theraputic shopping. Just kidding. I'm too poor to believe in that.. although I still completely do.

I believe in eating. Not calorie counting excessively. Not weird diets. Just having a normal, healthy yet enjoyable diet. Today that meant two cookies, a little bit of cake, and a little too much nutella. & I believe that's totally alright. 

I believe in journal writing. Rereading journals you come to know yourself better, and therefore become better. 

I believe in being yourself. & doing the things you like. 

I believe in being kind always and no matter what. Because everyone is going through something.

& I definitely believe in laughter & that this life is supposed to be a happy one. 

Sunday Tweetin'

I wouldn't consider myself an avid tweeter, but if I was these all would've made fantastic tweets. 

[Just one of those sporatic and random thoughts posts, ya feel?]

*Josh Groban song comes on the radio* Instantly feels like Christmas time. 

Huge S/O to Josh Groban. 'Thankful' is such a stunning song. 

A big NO to snuggling & kissing during the sacrament. [insert girl with arms crossed in an X emoji] #mormonprobs 

"I like your one-piece" wut. Since when are dresses referred to as 'one-pieces'???

Why is that you always run into people you'd like to look nice for on the days you don't get ready? & then you do get ready and see no one? #storyofmylife

I think my LOST watching is getting out of hand. So far I've spotted Sayid sitting two rows behind me, Hurley in the clip we watched in Sunday School, and the giver of the closing prayer has Ethan's side profile.

There's just something about a boy in glasses. [insert heart-eyes emoji]

Unfortunate only one of those was actually released into the twitter-world. My B. 

But on a different note, ward conference was absolutely incredible today. Hooray for Sunday's. 

-@britttneymc

"The Boys"

Plot Twist: I actually really really do miss High School. 

This is a stolen picture of my boys, & in reality I have no right to claim it, or them, as being my own. 

But goodness, I do miss them like crazy. 

Their e-mails are what make my Monday's, the happiest day of the week. 

They are with out a doubt, the most genuinely funny people I've ever known in my life.
I liked that they were each my best friend in such a unique way. & I liked that they made my Junior year & the summer after, the absolute greatest.

"Who will win in a fight: A grizzly bear, or a Gorilla?"

It was one of their favorite dumb questions. That they would argue in a way that only High School boys can. 

Definitely just a silly question, that when posed to college kids, they were far too analytic and mature towards-- don't ask me all your weird complex questions toward the scenario that we were to dumb to even consider. 

& that's when I realized all over again just how much I miss those days. 

Overdramatic @2AM

The final counselor cluster of the summer, aka a pool party, with a trip to In-N-Out on the way home. Because it was fairly far away, I left my car somewhere, & we carpooled up. & somehow I ended up driving home with a fairly cute, very RM, boy.

I hopped into my car around about 2:00am. 

[Fun fact: I often talk to myself while I'm driving.]

Tonight, it turned into a small pep talk, but began with about three minutes straight of, 

"oh... shooot. shooooot. oh shooot. oh shoot." before pulling out of the parking lot.

Because what in yid had I just done? Yeah I had a baby crush, but we were just friends! Now you think I'm totally interested?? Nope, nope, nope. Psych.

See there's this weird adjustment that my whole self is having a hard time making. 

How in High School, you flirt with someone if you're attracted to them. & maybe they like you back, or ask you to a dance, or pull a move on you when you're all hanging out with friends, and most the time they don't even like you back, and if they do you have this little fling relationship thing, and it's kind of whatever.. carefree, fun, no strings attached.

Then you graduate, and get tossed into this work pool with a whole bunch of RM's [aaaahhh...] so ready to wife. & plot twist, because this time when you come along and are attracted to someone, think before you flirt. Because reality, they date to marry. & those little flings, they don't really see as just little flings, gosh darn it.

Gosh, I do like you. But in a little high school crush sort of a way.
& before I know it, you'll want to get married.

Hi, I'm Brit. & obviously I'm incredibly over-paranoid about giving RM's the wrong idea. 

The Pep Talk: calm the heck down, you can go on a date with someone and stay just friends. Tell them you're going on a mission and there won't be any misunderstandings. or, just don't flirt with them in the first place if you don't want them to date you.

Good thing we could come to that conclusion. 

Way to freak out over nothing Brit.

 I mean, it's just a date.

I'd like to feel "Pretty"

I have the innate desire to be pretty, I'm a girl, and I'm only human. 

 & for the most part, I do feel pretty, I accept the way I look, the way my body is, I like my blonde hair and green eyes... But I don't want to feel pretty through my physical appearance. & I hope some day, my daughters won't either. Because, 

A girl deserves to know she is more than her physical appearance.

Reality check: you're gonna get old, and you're going to get wrinkly; or have a baby and your body will not be the same, or worst case scenario, you'll survive some crazy accident like Nienie, [could she be any more amazing?] that will alter your appearance completely. & what if everything you felt you were was based off your looks? Or what if you were so concerned with your appearance that you could never truly live your life to it's fullest? Going to the lake and can only worry about your hair. Going on a date and stressing you don't look good enough the whole time... It's just not worth it. girls deserve to know they're beautiful because of more than a perfect outer layer.

You could be witty, kind, smart, you have a personality, talents, quirks, and a story to tell. You are a divine Daughter of God. & that's what should make each girl feel good enough, feel important, feel pretty.

& I think it's something women learn with age-- that they're more than their looks. But how much happier of a life we could live if we figured it out earlier on. Ideally if we never depended on it at all.
Basing on looks leads to comparing, and insecurities, and quite honestly, never being good enough. & what an unfortunate life to live.

[The less you look in the mirror,] The less you think of your own looks, the less you think of others looks too, and the easier it is to see them in the way that God does: as more than a cute face or perfect outfit-- who they truly are-- as you come to know them and serve them.

& that's where I believe true happiness is found: when you can stop worrying & thinking about yourself, and think of others instead. 

piccred: http://carrienphotography.blogspot.com

I wish I knew his happy-spreading secret.

Some people just have a way of making you feel good. Truly, and completely good about yourself.

My usual post-work bench had been taken, so I ended up sitting around a corner. [Looking back, definite serendipity]

Scrolling through blogs & taking in the fresh air.. trying to let the stressful note work had ended on slip away.

"Brits! What're you doing here?"

It was an old friend interrupting, one who I'd only known for a few months. He could've just said hello, but for some reason he came to chat with me. & left me feeling like I was worth a million dollars.. more than that, absolutely priceless. Does he realize the affect he had?

It was almost like the way you feel when you're in love, how it literally seems to lift your spirits. It left that stupid grin on my face, like there's nothing in the world that can bring you down. Although I'm positive twitter-pated, giddy, hopelessly smitten--wasn't the case. In fact, we talked about your soon to be wife & hearing you talk about her was the sweetest thing.

What is it then, what is it about the way he talked to me, the things he said, that left me practically on cloud 9?

I truly wish I could figure it out, simply so I could spread that in explainable happiness wherever I go too, the world needs more people like him.

Monday's aren't always awful.

Actually, it was probably one of the greatest days I've had in quite some time. I blame it almost entirely on waking up early enough to squeeze in a run before work. Seriously exercise and endorphin release work wonders. 

A Happy List: 

///running in the cool summer morning air. absolutely perfect. actually just running again, no matter how much it made my body ache. 

///a couple of the sweetest blog comments. no doubt, comments are the greatest. 

///the moment when the counselor you had a secret crush on adds you on insta. cute, not creepy hopefully, right? even if you only talked to him one night all summer, and haven't seen him for a month.. 

///the moment a light turns yellow on you. it's funny how excited it makes me. it's probably because it gives me an extra wish. today, I hit three-- my wish best be comin' true. 

///a missionary e-mail that starts out Brit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! how can that not make you happy? fun fact: writing friends is 100x better than writing "your missionary" you don't have to worry about what you say, or how either of you feel toward the situation.. or any of that.

///a second missionary e-mail from another great friend, & seeing that their dumb sense of humor still remains. 

///people who say "Brit, I seriously just think you're the coolest girl ever, I can't wait to meet your husband, to bad you'll have to be the settler because I think it'd be impossible to find someone who'd make you the reacher." wow. that was one of the nicest most confidence boosting things anyone has ever said to me. 

///having your one best friend at college with you. so when you get off work you can meet for Jamba runs. new friends will never understand you the way your best friends since elementary school do. 

///running errands with another best friend. everyone deserves best friends as great as mine, that's for sure. 

///chocolate fro-yo. 'nuff said. 

///hallmark movies. they're a weakness amongst my sisters and me. 

& one more thing, a super good scripture study from last night always contributes to a better tomorrow. 

& maybe that's why today I felt so blessed, & just so happy to be alive. Life is goood. 

Summer Rain & Endless Daydreams.

It's almost become familiar, the excitement and anticipation when I hear the thunder rolling in from my bedroom in the basement, the pitter-patters on the back patio, and distinct way the rain smells in the kitchen when the back door is open. 

I wonder if rain actually has the power to make everyone's thoughts run wild the way it does mine?

Today, it caught me in my dreams.. because how lovely they'd be to experience in a summer storm..

...I wouldn't mind being a famous blogger or journalist. On the streets of New York, writing on my laptop from a small cafe, as the rain soaked everyone hurrying along the crowded streets.

...Or serving at an orphanage in Africa, jumping in the puddles with those beautiful children, letting the rain completely soak us.. I can only imagine their pure humble hearts, & the simple yet such complex lives they live.

...Even just being a teacher, & trying to keep their attention as the storm rolls in and they become restless.

...& of course I'm a hopeless romantic.. & I dream of the day that he sweeps me off my feet and kisses me in the pouring rain.. of course it's completely cliche, but in this case I don't feel like it'd make it any less magical.

As for now, I'll just let it transform this simple dimly-lit kitchen into my magical place, because to dream it could be the first step to actually experiencing it, right? 

& someday, I hope the rainstorms will be there to accompany me as my dreams become realities.

28 days until move out.

I tried to write a simple post and that didn't even sound right.

I'm bored out of my mind with life.

I'm not sure I'm doing as well with moving on as I give myself credit for.

& I just need things to pick up again.

Hey college, hurry up & let's get this party started.

Thumbs up for Vicki's.

When my entire extended family read my blog, I might've felt that my privacy was being invaded ever so slightly, but then again, it is a public blog. The real issue was probably the fact that there are just some things I blog, that they'd probably rather not know about me. 

[WARNING: this is one of those posts] 

Today was supposed to be my first day of work, & I was excited. I finally mastered the beach waves on my incredibly straight hair, & I felt good about life.

Long story short, there were complications transferring me from my last job to the current one on the BYU system, so today was not my first day of work. I was already all the way in Provo.. & although I'm out of my allowance of free spending money, the mall was so close.. but no brablem, lucky for me, I had Vicki's coupons, including free panties. Holla.

Buying undergarments in department stores, or target, or walmart, or bascially anywhere just maybe too public.. *incredibly awkward* [I used to make Jess run in and grab new unds for me when I needed them.] Until more recent than I'd like to admit, I was the girl who was too afraid to enter Victoria's Secret, (a brablem, I know) I suppose this post is for you girls. Don't tell your mom I told you this, but that place is goood.

Now don't get your panties in a bunch, [puns always intended] this won't get too personal, I'm just saying, Every girl should own good bra's and panties. You'll feel better about life, I'm sure of it.
Go to their huge sale. Get lots of cute panties. Find a good coupon. Find a perfect bra.

Trust me, if you like what's underneath, you feel confident in just about anything you put on over top.
So make sure to slip in there sometime for your back to school shopping. Idk, but I doubt you'll regret it.

Other happies: Crazy bread, always. Gold nail polish for summer, & the perfect everything, color especially about this new top. 

Rain triggers thinking.

I'm not sure why it took me so long to fall in love with the rain, but if nothing else, last summer did it for me. I guess I never completely noticed the rain before, but last summer it seemed to rain more than usual, and every time it did I was thinking of him. Probably wishing for a kiss in the rain, although we always seemed to just miss it. I still think that might've been the happiest time of my life. But, being in love inevitably makes you happy, right?
It's funny the way love changes though, and life too. How two years ago I was smitten with this boy, as I brought a sack full of random knick-kancks to him for his birthday.
& a year ago exactly I was avoiding the thought that he'd leave in just three weeks. Crazy that was a year ago. I'm ready for new though. He's right, there's no telling what will happen in a year, and almost likely, nothing.. so I put that little blue book back on the shelf, the one full of memories I couldn't get over. & promised myself this time it'd stay there. Because you can't move forward if you keep reliving the past.. no matter how good it may have seemed.

Real-life Adventuring.

I'd forgotten how much I love to hike. 

Mt. Timpanogos. So nice, you do it twice. 

Everyday Saturday.

Yesterday we hiked Timp. Or maybe it was today. Or Friday. I got off work Wednesday and every day since has been Saturday.

I bought six pairs of shoes at Savers yesterday. They were all practically if not brand new, and all under $7. WINNER.

I crave shaved ice.. so much. Snoasis' are by far the best too. (Trust me, I've tried 'em all.)

My summer job is over, and it definitely blessed my life. You betcha I'm going to miss my fellow counselors like CRAZY.

I start my new job Monday, & I'm crossing my fingers I'll still run in to the other counselors often.

I've been too sore/tired/out of energy to do anything today, so I looked at bedspreads online all day. & I still haven't quite found the perfect one. #toopicky

I just read reviews on all my professors for Fall term and to say I'm stoked would be an understatement.

Is there such thing as #subblogging, like #subtweeting, if so, I think I might've gotten subblogged. For better or for worse.

Lots of my bestfriends left on their missions this week. & I'm starting to think I might end up leaving sooner rather than later. But then I change my mind back to later again-- it just makes more sense.

Happy day, happy life, & definitely feeling blessed right now.

People are imperfect.

People are completely flawed, & that's just life.

But clearly it does complicate things a little, & it can work so hard against you when you get caught on the wrong side of things. 

All it takes is a small misconception, to get blown up suddenly into endless assumptions and rumors and problems.It's funny the way people can manipulate, or turn someone into the bad guy.  

It's funny the way insecurities have the power to destroy relationships. 

Inevitably some things never go back to the way they were. & life goes right on.
You have to realize what things you can control in life, and which ones you can't. & I've learned the way others act, is one that you can't. So you be the best you, & don't worry about them. 
Keep the things in life that make you happy, and get rid of the ones that don't. 

SS: To be a little better.

I absolutely loved this post by Ashley, from From A to Z. 

This quote especially:

"Each of us can do a little better than we have been doing. We can be a little more kind. We can be a little more merciful. We can be a little more forgiving. We can put behind us our weaknesses of the past and go forth with new energy and increased resolution to improve the world about us, in our homes, in our places of employment, in our social activities." 

-President Gordon B. Hinkley

It's such a motivating quote, because I do have more in me than what I gave last week. 

so here's to being a little better... because the world needs and deserves our best selves. 

[check her ouuut.]

I ran away.

Sometimes it's okay to literally just run away.

To just get in the car & leave, let the doubt and frustration take over. 

Sit in the thunderstorm and let the raindrops be your tears

Friends will let you down, and you realize not all friendships do last. 

Your best friends will leave on missions for two years and goodbye's are hard. 

Turns out you can't always trust the people you were positive you could. 

& there are occasions when the 'bad guy' will win. Win all of it. Atleast temporarily, and it's awful. 

Anxiety may eat away at you when because you don't know what tomorrow's simple letter will say. 

or if you should even care, of if he still cares, or will ever care. 

& you can lay in the rain, as over-dramatic and ridiculous as it may sound. 

& hopefully by the time the sky clears, your mind will have also. 

12:30//mid-thirty thoughts.

yes for this new college laptop. seriously, my life just got a millionx easier.
no to the twenty-four year old who wants to take this friendship up a notch-- let's still be just friends.
yes to dates with great friends from high school. [dates that are actually my age. for the win.]
no to carnivals. 'nuff said.
yes to the zipper ride. tears of laughter and utter happiness were shed. not even I expected to enjoy it as much as I did.
no to every other ride making me feel sick sick sick.
yes to sitting out that last ride. definitely a good decision.
yes to raspberry sherbet ice cream.
yes to "We Bought a Zoo"
definite yes to that other boy I can't get off my mind.
no to the fact he probably doesn't even think twice about me.
no to him leaving on his mission in just a couple months. [or maybe that should be a yes.]
no to Monday still being two days away.
& I honestly have no idea whether to give that other missionary a yes or no. if you checked my journal as of late it'd be a big, definite yes.

life's weird. life's good.
also not sure if waking up at 5:00am tomorrow morning to help with a race is a yes or no.
no to five hours of sleep. that one's for sure.

Things to not'to do.

-get addicted to online shopping. You'll never want the packages to stop coming..
-make the mistake of not writing some of your best friends for over a year... (well maybe do, because then they're 10x more excited to hear from you)
-make exclusive groups amongst your groups of friends, like where is the love?
-DTR for the first time in your entire relationship after being gone for a year-- can't we just continue to let things be chill? (jk, maybe it's a good thing?)
-forget to take a picture with your girls for the week. You might end up loving them more than you thought you would.
-sleep through fun runs. #superseniorlife
-be nice to college boys unless you want to go on dates with them. Because apparently nice means interested. (jk again, dates are fun, be nice to everyone.. maybe)
-stop running.
-when someone tells you about a date they're going on, say "oh he asked me too, but I couldn't go" -- no one wants to know they were second string.
-keep a journal full of happy and love unless you never want to be able to forget.
-hesitate to get shaved ice every single day. This is summer.

The happiest kind of happy.

You know the way people's eyes light up when they talk about something they're truly passionate about? It's like a piece of their heart is completely attached to it.. a hobby, or a place, or a sport, even an event, or movie or book or anything really!

I was trying to figure out just what it is that would truly make my eyes light up to talk about. What am I completely obsessed with?

Lake Powell, always summertime, 

and right now, being a camp counselor.

[part of the team at Ethan's farewell]

and also, being a member of the PG Cross Country/track team. 

There's not one person who was on the team last year who could tell you it didn't change their life completely for the better.

Stimulates Wanderlust.

Just in case you didn't already have an extreme desire to travel, this post will do it for you. No doubt.

Dating is weird.

There I was. Hiking this mountain. With this kid- psych-- guy, who was 24, and had brought me a PB&honey sandwich. Just hiking, and chatting. Or sitting on a paddle board rowing around a lake. & I thought to myself, well, this is weird. Paddle boarding is fun, so is hiking, but Dating is weird. 

Really, it was totally chill. They were nice guys, super fun to talk to. 

Just be careful what you wish for. 

Because sometimes when you wish that people would ask on more dates. Having chacos kid, or the Premie (the only premish kid) or the super cute runners in mind, your wish might come true not quite as you expected. & you realize they're old and then just feel super weird about the whole situation and decide for real that dating can be put on hold until people get home from their missions because these kids are old and even if they were the cute ones, you're just thinking no to that. 

Yeah, sometimes that happens. 

Free Slurpees x2

It's okay to go for free slurpees twice. 

& if you want to, why not blog what you already posted on your snapchat story?

We also said goodbye to my friends who're leaving to bike accross the country. Uhm, crazy right? 

It's actually pretty cool though. Here, check it out!

Greatest Place on Earth.

Although I am willing to argue it to be the happiest place on earth, I figure greatest comprises happiest. 

I was too afraid to get my camera out when we were at the beach, so these were all just snapped as we were leaving. But goodness, isn't it gorgeous?

I didn't realize the obnoxiously up close picture got thrown into the mix, but Lake Powell makes me that obnoxiously happy, so we'll let it be. 

PG to LP.

Pfft. Heck no, not Lone Peak.
#LAKEPOWELL.

This blog is still no where near up to date, but it came out of hiding (#private) anyway. Maybe one day it'll be caught up, and maybe not.    [7/13/14: and it's officially caught up. hah we'll see how long that lasts!]
Peace out Utah County, I'm off to Lake Powell.

The potentially awkward switch.

From work friends to after work friends. Like weekend hangout kind.
I'm still deciding how I feel about it... & the fact that they're 24 doesn't help.
Seriously that's old..

Uhm #confessiontweet I made up excuses for two dates this weekend.

Guys. That's awful.. but they're old.. and aaah. I just couldn't grasp the situation. I partied with my family instead, therefore the excuses were half legit.
Age is just a number right? Would you go on a date with someone 5-6 years older than you??

Hey 18, 19, and 20 year olds. I think I'll just put dating on hold until you all get home from your missions.. is that okay? Sweet, good, great.

Rounds II & III.

Gymnastics & Cross Country. & I felt right at home. 

 Haha, yes, the gymnasts were ironically the only girls I've had scale right up that sculpture. 

 the Super Group. 

& the runners. 

It was much more relateable, and of course I grew to love these girls a whole lot. 

It was funny, the way they're more independant sports, and you could see the independance in the girls and the groups. 

Tori was the coolest roommate, and our gymnasts meshed into one super group. 

They had the strongest backs and shoulders that I envied on the daily. Okay actually their whole cute little bodies were just pure muscle. Gosh, I love gymnasts. Some were sassy & some were sweet, and I loved them all. We got snow-cones twice, so that was a plus.

They taught us how to "cat-cow" (it's a dance move.) & wore us out by staying up incredibly late every night. We gave up on bedtime and partied with them. oops?

The cross country kids had a weird schedule and we hardly got enough sleep.

I'd gotten bored of running by myself, so I joined them and it was so super fun!

The BYU runners are hilarious and getting to know them was super fun. 

These girls ate more food than any other group, and also needed ice more than any other group. 

& once again there were so many more hard goodbye's.

That concludes week III, which means I'm halfway done. 

& that hurts my heart a whole lot. I don't think I'm ready for reality to set back in.

so much chocolate milk.

sometimes I write down the little details about the people I've grown close to.
because I get nervous that we'll move on with our lives, and I'll forget the way I knew them.

Blessed.

7/2/14
It's amazing. Honestly, all of it. Every single day I become more grateful for this AMAZING job I somehow stumbled upon. Slowly but surely, the sports camps are changing my life. My prayers are being answered in different ways daily, my testimony is being strengthened, and I'm surrounded by the most incredible people, all the while hopefully making a difference in these sweet girls lives.
Yesterday a girl got sick and needed a Priesthood blessing, a couple of the counselors hurried down and from the second I saw who walked in I knew she was going to be alright. I'd never doubt either of their worthiness to give a blessing, they're truly amazing guys, how lucky am I to be surrounded by worthy Preisthood holders who can come administer a blessing in a moments notice? The spirit was so strong, and the blessing was beautiful. How did I get so lucky to be a member of the one true church on this earth today? This gospel is true. & I wish everyone could know that the way I do. 

Quick life clip.

*Sitting eating breakfast with three or four of the runners and their guy friend, they're all sixteen or seventeen (you know the one who always is best friends with all the girls)*
*huddled in around the table, talking about who's crushing on who, who the cute counselors are, yadda ya, typical*

Preface: Cute counselor who we'll refer to as chacos. He is so dang fine, and he works those chacos and dances like you wouldn't believe. Seriously. Once he patted my back as he said "good morning Brittney" we have occasional small talk, but other than that it's a definite admire from afar.

*We'd just finished that conversation, when lo and behold, chacos walks past, they also had nick-named him chacos*

I had my phone and meal card sitting on my lap, now imagine this all happening at the simultaneously.

Brian: "Wait, so chacos is your boyfriend?"
*uncross my legs and everything falls on the ground, I reach under the table*
*chacos walks past..*
Chacos: "Hey Brit, .....run something something something...?"
Brit: *completely frazzled, no idea what he just said* *already blushing*
Chacos: *looks at me funny as I get out from under the table and look at him completely confused, but he kinda continues to keep walking*
Brit: "What? oh yeah, I run." #incrediblyawkward
Chacos: *still walking away from us* No, I said did you run with them this morning?
Brit: *Head completely craned backward* Yep, yes, I did. *definitely blushing*
Chacos: *laughs a little at the awkwardness* Good, good for you. *Smiles and is gone.*
The entire table: *Bursts out laughing.* 

Hi, maybe it was had to be there experience, but Brit that was just real real awkward of you.
Guess we'll just brush that one off and get on with our life..? Haha yeah.. okay...

Food for thought: Stereotypes.

It's funny, the way every sport has a stereotype, and whether or not people believe it, it's proved to be pretty true.
From day one at the sports camps, when we're doing check-in, as they walk in you can pick out right away which camp they'll be attending.
The gymnasts walk different than the basketball players, but so do the tennis girls.
The soccer girls all wear their Hawaiian sandals (along with everyone else in Provo) and the runners show up with pony tails and running shorts.
There are hardly similarities between the way the basketball, rugby, tennis, and golf guys act.
I'm not sure why each group has a different personality, or how each sport got assigned the stereotype they did. But it's surprisingly accurate... in the most positive way though. Stereotype has the connotation of everything negative, but these kids really are for the most part incredibly great kids.
So I suppose they're the stereotypes minus the negatives.
It's weird, like where did the stereotypes even start anyway?

A Salt Lake Day Trip.

Holla for the Happy Life.

I don't feel at peace when my blog isn't caught up, so I'll definitely be filling in the gaps, but in reality, I haven't actually posted for two weeks. ooops.

but right now, I'm seriously living the life. 

I make a set of ten new best friends each week. [& get left with a real hard goodbye at the end.]
I have funny experiences. and too much time-- to run, and sleep and eat.
I'm making money, and getting free housing & meals.
& I still have time to hang out with my best friends, for lunch meet-ups, or weekend adventures.

& I'm so so so happy.

Dating Advice: Kindness Matters.

You're right, I'm only eighteen and therefore not the most experienced when it comes to dating, but that poor 25ish year old must've missed the kindness lesson in Kindergarten. (note: all fake names) 

[Counselor table in the cafeteria. Currently three girls, one guy (probs a Type C) involved in conversation.]

Girls: *talking about their roommates for the week*
Girl 1: Oh yeah, I'm with Sarah. 
Guy: Oh, she's like the one with the squished face!
Girls: *pause, all giving a confused look towards him like didyoureallyjustsaythat??*
Guy: Well like, she's super pretty! Her face is just all like squished like! I'd still date her though! (yes, that many 'like's')
Girl 2: (changing the subject) So who is your DC? (the counselor's counselor)
Girl 3: We have Liz. 
Guy: Oh is she like.. like really.. not that appealing?
Girl 1: Uhm, what? She's super pretty. 
Guy: No, but like, she's not fun, at all. 
Girl 2: No, she great! 
Guy: Oh, so she's the one with like the huuuge hair! 
Girl 3: (finally) You give thee WORST descriptions of people!! 

Guys, this conversation really happened. Shortly followed by this one:

Guy: Well guys, my roommates both got engaged over the weekend... so that just leaves me again. *looks around at each girl* I'm the last one... again.. This keeps happening to me!*Looks at all of us one more time* Like I wouldn't mind being married at all. Oh boy, I'll have to find new roommates again.. Wow, plus I'm even older than all of them... *eye contact again* I mean it's just weird it happens this way, you know? *Tried to lighten the mood with an awkward laugh*

Poor guy, I do feel bad for him.. but just please bless he figures it out.