Grateful, but Wishing.

1) I wish there was more time in the day. Time to play the piano, to go for runs, to get adequate sleep, to write pretty blog posts-- and take pretty pictures to go with them, to snuggle up in bed and read novels, and to paint my toenails.

2) I wish bloglovin' wasn't blocked on campus wifi. What a joke, right? Blog reading has always been my favorite guilty pleasure and blogger just isn't quite the same.

3) I wish it was my turn again, to have some charming, sweet, handsome boy step into my life and sweep me off my feet. [remember in like 5th grade when you'd get nervous talking to your crush and giggle lots? Yeah, that happened again today-- heaven help me. #awkwardawkwardawkward]

but it's alright, because even if I just do work and school all day long, 

there's a lot to be grateful for. 

1) I have cute new best-friends. They make me so happy, and I'm not sure how I got so blessed. 

2) I absolutely love my classes. I love the readings. I honestly feel myself getting smarter and thrive off of it all. This college is truly a special place too.

3) I'm seeing all the incredible paths my life could take, and that's so exciting.

4) College isn't letting me down.. in fact it's even better than I could've imagined. & that's honestly a dream come true. 

The current daily.

Phone calls //with the fam, the Mom especially. & of course with Jess, the best friend.

Runs //They've become a delicacy, in the day, in the week. & running forms friendships. 

Classical Music //If I'm in my room, I am studying. and that means Pandora is set to Piano Solo's. 

Dorm Friendships //Our door is literally always open, we may have the party room & that makes for some real nice new friendships. (and not nearly enough studying done..)

Studying //Work, school, eat, study, sleep. That is this college life. Endless hours of reading and essays and tests. 

Study dates //the little perks of college. [& who knows, maybe I'll get super lucky and one day they won't just be study dates..] 

Sleep //maybe one of the lesser items. But I've learned if I get in a good in and our 10 minute doze at the beginning of my long classes, I can stay awake for the rest of the class. Impressive right? ;)
Lunchtimes //I am now a subway regular. & that hour is one my favorite of the day. People watching, solid chats, occasional new friends, and lots of reading, all from my little spot on the edge of the room. 

Snacks //Study snacks essentially. (You catching the trend?) Two people have gone through almost an entire bag of animal crackers in two days. The amount of fruit snacks, pretzels, and tortilla chips is close behind. 

& a whole heck of a lot of goood good times. 

Reasons college is goood.

Refer here. A perfect kiss & goood. 

//Majority of your homework is reading. Not ridiculous worksheets and assignments. You can cuddle up in bed, with just a highlighter and let information just saturate your mind. 

//Running buddies. I think I may have one for every day of the week. & guys will run with you at night so that's definitely reassuring. (especially probably for my Mom)

//I don't have to be at work until nine every day. Which means I can stay up later, still get sufficient sleep, and I swear the day is longer. 

//Absolutely amazing people watching. Perks of eating in the cafeteria or up on campus.

//I'm too busy to waste time on social media. Life seems so fulfilling.

//Chill good times. Like Apples to Apples with your FHE group, or campfires up the canyon. 

//It makes you love your family more. Everyone says it, but it's the truth. I love calling my Mom almost every day. 

...and that's just a few of the things. [Besides getting sick last week] I am seriously loving this college life.

"Goood" was how I described our first kiss.

In reality, I didn't intend on writing this, but the explanation seemed necessary on "goood," for the following post. & it's kind of a cute little story, so why not? 

It was on June 14th, my birthday. 

We laid and looked at the stars, under the perfectly warm yet crisp summer air. 

The night ended and I was perfectly content, but I guess a hug goodnight wasn't making the cuts. 

That night I wrote in my journal, 

"Off the bus? More like dove through a window. I still can NOT believe that just happened. But I guess he surprises me and I surprise myself... Tonight was 100% predictable yet completely surprised & it was... goood. :) three o's & one smiley face." 

& ever since then "goood" has just stuck. 

for the things that aren't just good, or even great, or awesome. Goood is just different. Ya feel?

& that's the preface for this next post... 

Plot twist: Change is HARD.

Have you ever imagined what it would be like to see your mind mapped out? Alright probably not, but think about it--multi-dimensional, with intricate little details-- or maybe it could be gigantic like a maze you could explore your subconscious, relive memories, and see everything laid out, the connections and all the knowledge you've ever obtained... [I'd like to hope it's something we'll see in the next life.]

Although, I think every now and then you can catch the tiniest glimpse of it, you see a piece of yourself, your thoughts and subconscious, simply spelled out.

The one I saw most recently was a simple statement: 

"You're not nearly as comfortable with change as you pretend to be." 

All it took was a week of college to show me this. Although, I don't think it's a natural human tendency to love and embrace change when it comes your way. It's unfamiliar and uncomfortable..

The first day of cross country practice when I didn't know anyone on the team; Freshman Orientation in its entirety; saying goodbye to close friends; the loss of a loved one; new places, new people, new school, it's all uncomfortable at first. It opens chapters of your life that are completely unwritten, and there's no telling what they might hold. 

It was an interesting realization, why had I always though I adapted well to change, when in reality big changes had always become the lowest points of my life? Looking back though I realize that it's because there was always something else that prevailed: faith. 

"And I was led by the Spirit, not knowing beforehand the things which I should do." ~1 Nephi 4:6 

Definition of first day of college right there. Or the second or the third day for that matter.. or all those other experiences in my life; like Nephi, I don't always know what I should do, or how things will work out, but I do know that through these times, the spirit will be my comforter and my guide, and that provides all the comfort I need. 

I'm grateful that for as many unknowns as there may be in my life, there's also the knowledge that I have a Heavenly Father who does know; He knows all the answers and outcomes. He has an absolutely perfect and complete plan for me; One that will ultimately make me the happiest if I will keep the commandments and follow the promptings of the Holy Ghost. 

I can only imagine how crazy all this would sound if I didn't know that it was completely true. But I do, I believe in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, I am so grateful for my testimony. It's the reason I've found so much happiness and true joy in my life, and I know that's the truth. 

SS: A walk down memory lane.

Maybe it was a foreshadowing when I absolutely fell in love with High School Musical in what, the seventh grade?

Pre-clarification: I LOVE college. I really really do. I love that my homework is reading books that I find absolutely fascinating. I love meeting all these new people, and it is endless fun times. 

But there was just something about high school that captured my heart. & by Senior year I had a new dream. Someday I wanted to be the High School student council advisor and Cross Country coach. & that would be my dream come true. (Along with traveling the world that is..) 

Because turns out that obsession with HSM grew into more than a love for the movie, I loved high school and it did hold a special place in my heart. The people, the experiences, the absolutely awful times and the most amazing ones. 

Doing gymnastics through my sophomore year, my absolutely amazing team, and running home in tears the day I quit. Mid-way through sophomore year when my heart got broken, I thought I didn't have friends and I hit an all-time low. Making student council for the first time, the friendships I began to form. My amazing girl friends and the friendship we had. 

Training with the XC team and my older brother the summer before Junior year, a cute little summer fling, student council, more amazing friendships, crying my way through calculus and chemistry, becoming best friends with the most amazing faculty any school has ever had, and also the greatest group of boys. Planning prom, falling in love, becoming President, my amazing student council, the XC and track team, and that summer holding some of the happiest memories of my life. Between nights at the water tower and staying late after early morning runs with the cute Juniors on the team. 

& then Senior year and everything that came through it, the rock bottoms, the growth of being President and strengthening new friendships. The legendary PG dances and more PG pride than anything at every one of those state football and basketball games. 

I'm Brittney McArthur and I loved high school. 

But I'm Brittney McArthur, and college is already proving equally as amazing opportunities. 

This life is amazing. There's no doubt that God wants us to be happy. & that's one thing I know more than anything else. He wants us to be happy. & that's just one beautiful aspect of this true amazing gospel on the earth today. 

You win some you lose some.

WINS:

You have the happiest dreams about falling in love with the greatest boy. & sometimes glimpses of those dreams almost coming true.
Your job is the greatest in the entire world and you love going every day.
You run into that super cute kid form EFY two years ago and he asks for your number.
You run into so so many counselors from the summer & it's happy reunions all around.
You got brave and sat next to some new super cuties in class. One new insta acquaintance and one new study group buddy.
You make so so many new friends. That aren't even the fake kind.
You went to In N' Out at 12:30am because.. well just because you were starving.

LOSSES:

You wake up with a tight throat, sniffly nose, and awful headache. #alreadysickatcollege

The one day there is a rainstorm.. (or a monsoon) you don't wear your rain boots. 

You can't for the life of you stay awake during class. 

Your phone dies, you forget your room key and get locked out, and have to walk all the way back up to the cafeteria for someone to let you in. 

You still have lots of homework, so a nap will hopefully hold you over without stealing too much study time. 

& that's how this college life is currently going. 

I have real friends, a running buddy, & weekends are nothing short of eventful-- there's always something new. 

& hey, life is goood. 

Caught in college..

I keep telling myself that it's still just that weird adjustment phase. & that things will get better.
By no means are they bad. My classes are all things I'm super interested in. I have one new best friend, my roommate is awesome, I absolutely love my job, and I found a running buddy.

But it all still feels strange, & I feel out of place. Where is my little posse of the funniest boys in the world, a lunch bunch, where are my girls, and my go to group every single weekend? Why are my best friends from high school making endless plans and not inviting me? The people that really know me.. do they even still exist? It's weird not knowing everyone in every class, or at lunch.. I just don't like change this time. Mealtimes with Maddie and phonecalls with Jess & Jenn are the only things keeping me sane.

It's almost like I'm watching the potential of how incredibly fun college can be. I see everyone else with their new best friends, with their little crushes, best friends with everyone in their hall, going on dates, too busy to go to bed before 3am, thriving off this college life. I see it all happening.. I just can't quite claim that life as my own. I tried reaching out for it.. tried to make it happen.. then decided maybe I need to just let it come. & that hasn't changed much either..

I'm stuck in limbo. & I wish things would click into place already.

I'm anti-small-talk.

It's this little thing that accompanies new situations, new places, and thousands of new people. & to be quite honest, I don't like it, and this weekend has consisted of far too much of it. 

Preliminary questions are essential in getting to know people, their name and maybe where they're from, but I can't do the polite awkward chit-chat that tends to follow. About majors and the weather..

It's like everyone is trying so hard for friendships. 

///The roommate I had over the summer and how we'd both share with each other the funny things that we read as we scrolled through Facebook, insta, or twitter at the end of the night. It was a window into each other's lives, leading to conversations about people and families and relationships, and that's what bonded us.

///The counselor who I sat next to one day at check in. Commentary is natural when you're observing hundreds of teenagers as you hand them a water bottle. & when you're running on little sleep, doing something as boring as handing out waterbottles, it's ineviteable for inside jokes to form, and end up laughing the entire time. & that's where our friendship began.

///& the girl we randomly ran into at the bookstore. I knew her brother, and she needed fellow freshman to hang out with for the night. Between an awkward orientation show, the pep rally, and spontaneously hiking a mountain, she appeared to be more similar to me than anyone I've ever met & I've never hit a friendship off with anyone that quickly.

Real friendships just happen.. they rarely come from the awkward introductions at freshman dorm socials, or forced get to know you's... & I suppose that's why for the most part I haven't bothered, sure I'll introduce myself when I'm in a group.. but the second you have to mention the weather or ask about my major, it's apparent there is no connection. 

& that's the first thing college taught me.